"Dances With Spiders"

Well, I did some bush hogging yesterday. I ran out, put diesel in the tractor, hopped on, cranked it up, and 'hogged for 5 hours.

NOT!!!!!!!

First, one has to crank the tractor.

I am finding out that tractors, while they are hardy and will go any where you point them, seem to be prima donnas when it comes to cranking! To crank the tractor, one must have the clutch peddle depressed, the brake peddle depressed, the PTO disengaged, the gears in neutral, the second gears in neutral, the choke in, some unknown switch flipped, the diesel petcock unscrewed, and then pump the 'handle' about 13 times. Then you insert the key, turn it and,...

>click<

sigh

depress the clutch peddle, depress the brake, PTO disengaged, the gears in neutral, the second gears in neutral, the choke in, the unknown switch is flipped the OTHER way, the diesel petcock is unscrewed, the 'handle' is pumped 13 MORE times. Then, insert the key again, turn it and,...

>click<

Repeat about 15 times until you hear an ominouse tic tic tic tic tic tic and you can't see through the sweat beaded up on your glasses (because you have been looking down, playing the combination gear game,...)

Kick tractor, call her names, go inside to the AC, have a drink of water that smells like rotten eggs, (tell self, "Iron is Good For You!) surf the web to find tricks to cranking tractor, find gruesome story of death by bush hog instead,....

After giving the battery about an hour to recover, go back out, repeat the holy ritual of clutch clutch gear gear twist pump turn,....

And just like that VROOOOOOOMMMMMMM CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG!!!!!!! OH HAPPY DAY!!!!!! And it'd barely even dark!

Now to hook the bush hog up to the tractor. We are ahead of the game, as the hydrolics are already connected, I just have to put the knuckle over the PTO.

Hummm,... How to do it from up here. Can't find the emergency brake so I don't want to get between the tractor and the bush hog. Keeping the gruesome-death-by-bush-hog story in mind, I try a variety of stretching manuvers in an attempt to stay on the tractor and still reach the connection, all the time avoiding getting behind, in front of, or on top of, the tires,.... (which are the size of a VW bug, by the way,...) I even jump to the ground, make a wide berth of the belching behemoth, and climb onto the deck of the bush hog, wherein more stretching and contorting excercises ensue,...

Did I mention I am Home Alone? Eric has driven to Deland to pick up the only tractor driven auger in the state of Florida, it seems. I keep thinking about that gruesome-death-by-bush-hog story,....

I come to the horrible conclusion that the only safe way to do this is to, you got it, cut off the tractor,.....

Well, I get the PTO hooked up, I preform the proper ritual (about 5 times) and away we go! And I still have a little daylight!

I start out cautiously, in low gear. putt putt putt putt ,.... How boring. Let's shift it to high!

PUTTPUTTPUTTPUTTPUTT!!! My ponytail is flying back, the front is rearing up, the bush hog is screaming, dirt is flying, it's growling and snarling like a rabid tiger!!!!!

Boring is Good!

Stearing is much easier too, when the front wheels are on the ground! Apparently, we need a teech bit o' hydrolic fluid. The bush hog keeps unexpectedly dropping and leaving behind my own personal crop circles, digging up great berms of earth, and raising a big dirt cloud..... Those first (and second, and third, and fourth) trips around the pasture look like I emptied an entire fifth of Glen Fiddech before starting out.

Well, I can't blame it all on the wheels being up in the air,... Sometimes I was swatting away mosquitoes, or dodging branches. I now know why most farmers remove EVERY SINGLE TREE from where they will be mowing! There is nothing to compare with 'hogging in the gloaming, and that sneaky oak tree sticks a branch right in front of the tractor. The tractoer at first pushes it aside, and just about the time you think you are safe, and that it will mearly scrape down the side of the tractor and painfully across your leg,.... it Whips over the top, and smacks you in the face!

And of course, while you are blinded, that's when you run right THROUGH the GIANT spider web!!!!!!! The GIANT Golden Orb Weaver, aka, Banana spider, as in 'as big as a',.... The web is so strong, it almost pulls you backwards out of the seat! Thank God it is now dark, so you can't see the remains of the birds, rabbits, sheep and cows you are sure are lining it's nest!

But now comes the fun part! Dances With Spiders! That sucker landed somewhere, and no matter how much you hope it landed on the ground,... It DIDN'T!! About the third trip around after taking out it's wonderfully constructed house and home, you actually FEEL something crawling on your thigh, through the denim of your jeans!!!!! And there it is! Supposedly, they only get to be about the size of a small mouse, but I swear, this one was as big as our dog Kisses!!!!! I was jumpin' and wigglin' and twistin' all over the place!

All thoughts of gruesome-death-by-bush-hog flies from my mind, to be replaced with gruesome-death-by-giant-spider!!!! But! YOU CAN'T LEAVE THE TRACTOR!!!!! That would be dangerous! And you can't smack it with your hand, it's so big, that that would be really gross!

After about 5 minutes of squeeling and break dancing in place, I ended up breaking a stick off a tree limb and flicking the spider under the bush hog. Let IT experience gruesome-death-by-bush-hog!

By then it was too dark to see, and I felt like I was almost out of diesel, and I was hungry, and Eric had come home, so it was a good time to call it quits and park the tractor. Really it was. I am NOT afraid of spiders!

By the light of today, it looks like drunken aliens have mowed the yard,...

I took tonight off. I'll try more tomorrow! Got to get ready for the party on Sat!!!!

Later,
Cheri'

Pictures, part 2

And this is what I do to help pay for my horses, and all the critter food, =-) The baby Northern Atlantic Right Whale is almost full size. It's about 90% the size,... It is 14 feet long, and about 40" around the girth. It still needs to be painted, when I get it painted, I will post more pictures. And if you know how to tell, it's anatomically correct, =-) I put my Scientific Illustrator Larnin' to use, and got all particular about doing it as realistic as possible! This one is a boy. It will hang from the ceiling of the Lagoon House near Satallite Beach.

I sculpted it out of EPS foam (commonly called Beer Cooler Foam, =-) and then it was hard coated with a two part epoxy shot from a special gun under high pressure and heat.






















The arch is also sculpted foam, which I installed at a place called Welcome Home, a really cool place to shop for kitchen fixin's. Granit counter tops, Viking and Sub Zero appliances,... All the Hotsy Totsy stuff!

I modled it after a Roman arch, and I also faux painted it, and the wall above it. I added a sign after this picture was taken. It turned out really nice, wish I had gotten a pic of that,....








One more of the whale,... I am really proud of it! =-)

We got Pictures!! Part 1

This is "not' our driveway,.... We get to use it until we get ours made. It's hard to tell there's a house back there! We've had deliverydrivers walk down it because they didn't think there would be room to turn around.














Here's the front of the house, with the wonderful porch!!!! It has a swing and everything! I think of Nana when I sit on the swing. She would have LOVED it!!!!!



















ROSE!!!! The sweetest deer ever! Unles you are a dog, or her son. She tries to stomp all dogs! As herd matriarch, that is Her Job! As for her son, Spike, she beats him up and runs him away from the food,....















The view from the road of the front of the property,...















And, the view from the front porch swing! =-)

Fillet and Bucky

As y'all recall, we inherited a cow when 10 men couldn't get her into the giant animal hauler for transport to South Carolina. I coaxed her into the emu pen with the 7ft tall fence, where she has lived for the last 3 weeks. Today was her scheduled appointment with the butcher.

My original plan was to try and get a halter on her through various different means, then drag her into the trailer, but the lady at Brevard Feed and Seed has lots of cow experience, and told me I was trying to get folks killed, =-) She suggested we simply park the trailer as close to the gate as possible, and slowly haze her into the trailer.

So, that's what we did.

She is a wild and fiesty heifer!!! I anticipated a rodeo. Well, Maria and I finally got the trailer lined up, plugged the gate so the only way out was into the trailer, (or over the fence or through the fence,....) And in we went to gently haze her into the trailer.

Nope! Not havin' none of it! We mearly LOOKED in her direction, and she commensed running, rubing into the fence, trying to climb it, and generally being an ass. She even popped part of the fence loose, staples pinging off the post (which is a telephone pole,...)

Well, I climbed out through the hole to fix it, cuz I knew as soon as she saw it, she would climb out too,....

And Maria very quietly and non-chalantly began walking her way, and making kissy noises.

And Fillet just hopped right into the trailer!!!!

We quickly slamed the door shut, and it was a done deal! It took longer to park the trailer!

The butcher says she is a two yr old Brangus, which is where she gets her 'tude.

As for the deer, the man wasn't able to make it out on Monday, so Bucky boy got a week's reprieve,....

All the velvet is stripped from the bucks' antlers. They are now fighting occasionally. There are gouges on the trees, in the dirt, on each other,....

Anyway, That's about it nfor now,....

Later,
Cheri'

Hay and Soybeans

Went and bought feed for the deer today. Got them a bag of soybeans, and a bail of orchard/alfalfa, which is deer rancher talk for orchard grass mixed with alfalfa. Also got them two bags of Record Rack deer feed. It tastes pretty good, but my rack hasn't improved any,....

I think I will scatter a can full of soybeans around their yard every night. Give them a little more of the foraging experience,...

The lady at the feed store is worried for our life and limb. She recommends that we do NOT use our original plan to get the cow on the trailer. She said to try parking the trailer butt up against the gate, and haze the cow into that. If that doesn't work, give her a call and she will come out and help. How cool is that?!?

Someone asked us if we had named her. Eric said we were calling her T-bone. I said that wasn't a very girly name! That's what you would call a steer! So our friend Joan suggested Fillet. That sounds sufficiently girly for a hefier bound for the freezer,...

And the vet convinced me to leave the antlers alone untill I had a 'squeeze' to catch the deer in. There are professional deer squeezes (you herd them down diminishing pathways untill they have no where else to go except into a small chute. Then you squeeze it snug around them to hold them safe and secure while you preform necessary chores; shots, worming, antler removal,...)

One of our friends will be over Mon night to show Eric how to dispatch and dress the middle buck. Jax is very sad,.... Not that we are going to eat a deer, but that it doesn't seem to have a sporting chance,.... I told her this deer comes from 1000 years of domestic stock, (they are Fallow deer) and would probably freak out if let out of it's familiar surroundings,...

I am nagging Eric to download some pictures. A few of the farm, a few of the Northern Atlantic Right Whale calf I sculpted, and a few of my faux painting jobs,.... He says the sculpting and faux painting aren't farm related, but I reasoned that they are, as the whale was made at work, where I go every day to earn the money to pay for my horses, and the faux painting is going to hopefully pay for my new kitchen, with the stainless steel appliances and the black quartze countertops!

later,
Cheri'

Cow and Deer

2 more days to the Cow Wranglin',....

My friend FiFi (Jessica) is coming over on Sun to help me catch the cow. We plan to put a halter and a looooong rope on her so on Mon, when Maria gets here with the trailer, it should be a simple (!) matter of passing the rope around a strong support in the trailer, and pulling her in. Then it's off the the butcher's.

I am still tring to get some ace, a few darts, a blowgun, and a hacksaw. No, it's not an episode of Pinky and the Brain, and we don't plan to take over the world, this week. I want to take the antlers off the bucks. They are stripping off the velvet, and will soon become very agressive. The former owner told me that a few years ago, Dick, the oldest buck, went into a rage and trapped one of the does in a corner and gored her to death. Plus, during rut, they have no fear or respect for anything. A true case of testosterone poinoning,... I really don't want to be gored,... Already, when feeding them, the bucks are less cautious. It's been recommended by reputable deer ranchers.

So, we are looking at a fun time for all,....

The garden tractor arrived today! YAY! But before I could gas it up and go, the afternoon rains rolled in, BOO!

Well, there's always Saturday for mowin',....

I am off to feed the deer,......... If I'm not back in 30 min, send in reinforcements!

Later,
Cheri'

More History . . . A Different Perspective . . .

Hi!

This is Eric! As in Eric and Cheri's Farm Eric!

Anyway, I thought I'd add a few posts of my own now and then, to give a different perspective, as they say, to this blog.

And, as Cheri started, so shall I, so, for a bit of history . . .

The story starts out simply enough . . .

Boy meets Girl,
they date for a while,
they fall in love,
they eventually get engaged,
they get married and live happily ever after!

Oh, except that after being married for a few months, she drops the big one . . .




No! She wasn't pregnant!

No, despite everything she told me about being DONE with horses, after all, she had been raised on a horse farm, where she had her 'home' work to do after she finished her homework from school. In fact, she TOLD me that she had grown to really dislike horses! . . . No, she told me that she REALLY wanted a horse! A really big one that even I could ride if I chose to!

Now let me explain something. I had been on the back of a horse exactly once in my life, and it was a well trained, but ornery, pony with and even meaner owner who blindly set a seven year old absolute neon green rider on the back of the pony without a single word of instruction and proceeded to SLAP! the pony's butt! at which point it went head first down the 45 degree grade in front of it at a canter as I folded over the right front sholder and hit face first into the dirt. The only thing I remember after that is my dad's friend, the owner, laughing uproariously as my dad made a quick excuse and got his inept and completely embarasing son out of there!

But I love my wife with every particle of my being, even the naughty ones, and there was nothing I wouldn't do for her, so I looked her in the eyes and told her, "Thats OK sweetheart, we can get a horse."

A horse . . .

A, as in single . . .

In fact, what we discussed was a very logical plan wherein we would get a couple of bills payed off so we could aford to lease a horse for awhile. This would give Cheri a chance to work her way back into horses and I would have a chance to become familiar, and comfortable, with horses. After leasing a horse for awhile, we would buy some property with an eye to building a house and horse facilities, because neither one of us could see paying the high price for stable care when we could spend the same money on a stable real estate investment!

But all of that besides the point, I said "a" horse. Remember that.


"Oh, but wouldn't it be great to go horseback riding together?" She says, half inquiringly.

Of course it would, sweetheart . . .

"Wouldn't it be great if we got a mare that we could breed back to Bright? Can you imagine a draft sized leapard spotted app?"

That sounds great sweetheart . . .

"IF we're going to breed the mare then we really should buy a mare in foal to be certain that she can concieve . . ."

That make wonderful sence sweetheart . . .

Thinking back upon it, its easy to see how I got here. But when I was living through it, I swear, I didn't see it sneaking up on me! It was positively insideous! And yet, I somehow managed to agree to it all . . . somehow , , ,


More history on my next entry where you see me doing my best Za Za impression . . .

Eric "the confused"

Updated Blog Abilities

I changed some of the Blog's capabilities,... y'all can leave comments now, =-)

Worked late late late, Eric helped me feed the deer tonight at 11 pm! I have played too many video games,.... All the creepy swamp sounds? We gott'em!

Off to bed!
Cheri'